Oracle card: Hare

I pulled another card, and got the following, without the intent of reading reversed or not, and got the Hare, reversed:

I think the intent here is that I am focusing a bit too much on the outside and need to take care of things at home before I really can get my footing on my path.  It seems like a good fit just because I know things at home are... untenable. My mom is going to need more help moving forward, especially as I see her moving more towards what is defined as "moderate dementia" symptoms.

In reality I know what I need to do, but it still feels like abandoning responsibility. Even when I know that the reality of the situation is she is going to need more care moving forward, and if I find myself unable (or unwilling?) to provide it at these stages... The difficultly moving forward is only going to get more difficult. In comes the hare, a reminder that "I may need to apply common sense to a greater degree than I have in the past". I feel like it speaks to me here.

Oracle Card: Earth Dragon

I decided to pull a card this morning from my druid oracle deck, with the intention of not reading it reversed, but as an upright card, but was initially pulled reversed, and pulled the Earth Dragon:

Earth Dragon – Power, Potential, Riches

The Earth Dragon (Draig-talamh) brings us face to face with our potential. Wishing us we have a treasure house of riches – of powers and capacities – that we can learn how to use. In the past, we may have been denied access by the guardian of this treasure. But now we are coming to understand that this sometimes fierce guardian is in reality an aspect of ourselves. By coming to know and love Draig-talamh, we will be able to unlock the secrets of our heart, and at the same time we will find ourselves discovering the beauty and the power that lie within the hearts of those around us and in the very earth itself.

This card might also indicate that somehow you are relating in an inappropriate way to your inner reserves and potential. Earth Dragon guard the treasures of your should fiercely, but he is your ally, not your enemy – do not try to kill him and do not try to wrest the treasure away from him. You may need to spend time befriending this creature who has slumbered in your should for so long. A precipitous attempt to capitalize on your talents or express. your potential may be unwise.

Druid Animal Oracle by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, art by Will Worthington

Source: https://partingthemists.com/2018/04/09/card-of-the-day-earth-dragon/ 

The second paragraph was the 'reverse' meaning according to the book that I have with the cards. Potential is a good word, I think this is an indication of me needing to continue to perform shadow work and understand and let go of the past.

I think that part of me has always been afraid of what I might have, what I could become if I stopped holding myself back. There is a both a positive and a negative aspect to this part of me. I know from my own past mistakes that I am not always the most balanced person and I feel like the other crutches (THC, mostly) that I have gained over the past few years has not been fully positive, but are still worthwhile tools to have in my life.

I want to get more in touch with myself. I need to come to terms with my own past and find it within myself to move forward. To make the choices that need to be made in regards to my mom's ailing mental state. The status quo is not tenable, it cannot hold forever. In fact its more than likely worse than I want to see, but I am just too close to the issue to really know.

I need to befriend my earth dragon, I need to take power back in my life and make the choices, regardless of how hard they might be.

An attempt at journaling, getting back on the path

Its been a long time since I wrote anything on here. Surprised the site still exists.
Its now August 22nd, 2023.

I have been out of the metaphysical space for a while, but have been making a serious attempt at being a better version of myself.

Looking back at some of my posts here, the separation between the me of now and then seems large.

I want to get back into a meditation practice. I want to get my life back. I feel present, for the first time in a while, at least since I got my new job (April 19th, 2015).

Between now and then? My father died. (February 17, 2017), my mom has Alzheimer's, and was undergoing testing as of December 2017, but wasn't diagnosed until much later. I'm not sure if that was due to job loss, other stress and mostly me being on autopilot.

I can see where my life took turns that if I was more aware, more in control of my actions I would have avoided or done better.

The past is just that. Water spilled cannot ever be put back into the container, but at least I have some pretty Rorschach style tests to remind me of those...

Just woke up, in the middle of the night.

Meditated before bed.  Laid down to sleep.  Drifted into a meditative state before sleeping.  Had the following dream.  I was at my home in reality, except it had a more impressive type of gating system for the yard.  I had a bunch of cows and goats fenced in.  A tree of some sort, surrounded by a fence was in the yard across from mine. 

If you crossed that fence, I know, you would be stopped from touching the tree by some various animal.  I belive it was a bear.  Well a bunch of lions were running around outside of the fence, and I believe they were trying to take my livestock.

I ended up shoving one of the lions over the fence into the tree, which, if its the same tree from memory, opens a portal into another place.  Though I am not sure what it could be.  I need to do some research into it.

After that, the guardian creature appeared and started fighting off the lions, I took that time to gather some of them and add them to my 'farm' where they suddenly quieted down and became more docile.

I closed and latched all the gates, while putting some of the animals into a 'barn' which is my shed in reality.  I then whent and jumped the fence to go inside.  I looked at my 'water rock' or something similar.  It was a stone, split in half, and even though it was removed from its source, water still spilt from it when they wre split.  Even though there was no place for the water to come from.

Since I was reading a book on zen... The rock could suggest some from of enlightenment, the gathering of animals is bringing differentthings under control, and introducing them to spirituality.  Since water has been a symbol for spirituality and knowledge in the past for me.  In this case the rock having the ability to spring water from nothing sugguests either that my subconcious mind is making the connected from form and function not being that far removed, in fact being one in the same. *shrugs*

Sick...

Blah.  Sick.  And I was doing well with doing my meditation too.  Ah well.

Strange sounds.

Another odd night last night.  I was drinking a bit, and after coming back from the kitchen, heard an odd popping noise.  Went out there to check what it was, heard something from the dishwasher.  I just figured it was that, but the noise wasn't exactly the same.

Later that night.  I was asleep and woke up about 2:30.  I hear this noise, like claws against the rug on my floor.  A noise my dog Suzy would make, when she was alive.  I looked, nothing really was there to make note of.  I got up to use the lavatory, there *might* have been a shadow that was out of place.  But, having had a few drinks, I didn't bother to look into things to much.

Meditation and visual phenomina

I haven't posted here in a long while... My bad. Haven't had a lot of paranormal activity. Though I did have something very interesting that I wanted to note down, besides in my personal journal. Did a meditation last night, before bed. I could feel my mental state switching over. But I was tired, so I opened my eyes, to lay down to sleep. After I opened my eyes I could see a black figure at the foot of my bed. Blinking didn't make it disappear, and in fact I saw it move from side to side. I addressed it, said that I could see it, but I didn't feel like it had any malevolence. I laid down, and looked up at the ceiling. I could see a black mist, swirling above my head. Blinking seemed to make it fade a bit, but looking up at it again drew it into prominence. I'm not sure what to make of this. But, it was interesting, and I took note of it after waking up.

Dreaming of nighttime break ins

Last nights dreams were fairly interesting.  I was at home, and I was looking out my back window. I saw outside a deck, and beyond that a sparse treeline.  Beyond that was a River of some sort, and on the other bank wthere was more housing.

I noticed that underneith the window, where there was an air fresnher, there was now a switch.  I noticed across the river that the lights turned on, and then I flipped this switch again the lights went off.  There were more switches and I flipped them as well and more lights in a house across the street turned on.  

I looked at at the river again and noticed a little dingy out in the water.  I looked at the clock and notice it is late at night and that there wasn't enough time to go across the river.  So I decided to wait until the next day to go across the river and break into what I called "The Nunnery"  I went to sleep in the dream and then when I wok eup the switch was gone.  I waited until the next night and the swith reappeared.   Though when it got dark out I noticed a police officer outside poking around.  I waited until he was gone and then went and flipped the switches to turn on the lights.


I went out to the small boat and went across the lake and got to the other shore.  I did drift down river a bit more than I wanted to, but I somehhow found my way to the correct house.  I noticed that there were nuns walking around and I went up to the second floor.  I noticed that I was suddenly female in this dream and went up to a guy who saw me.  I somehow got away from him by posing as a nun and got inside the building.  I knew the nuns inside would know that I didn't belong and I made my way quickly though the building.  I found myself on the mans floor sleeping area,  I saw all the crosses hanging on the doors, and I entered a room so that a nun wouldn't see me.  I hid in an empty bunk and one of hte nuns  walked into the room when I crawled into the bed... they woke up the young man in the next bed over, and they both left.  As I laied there hiding I had a flash of insight as to why I was there.  I was to kill the person who ran the building.  I saw myself stabbing him repeatedly. After I stabbed him, his cell phone rang.  I remember thinking that "He was beat with cottentail."  THere was wallpaper on the walls, I believe I was in a libary, and underneaith the wallpaper there was writing.

I don't remember anything else.

Moves and Races

Another dream post.  Last night I found myself dreaming about watching a movie in my brothers room.  For some reason his girlfriend, and our father were all crammed into his bedroom watching a movie.  The scenes on the TV swtiched between watching the movie, which I don't remember and watching a race on TV.

The race was made up of production cars racing each other. The scene that stood out to me was one were there were a bunch of burning vehicles lying on the sides of the roads, and the cars that were still left weaving between the burning wrecks.

The final scene was where the winning car turned into a transfromer type robot.

I feel like I actually forgot alot of this dream though.

Dreams of cobblestoned streets, and card games.

I was wandering though a series of cobblestone streets.  To my left was a railing heading down the side of a mountain, and the view beyond that was breathtaking. I was running around with a young woman, dark colored hair, fair colored skin.

As we ran around this cobblestone and brick community I saw a young man, looking very similar to David Tennant from Doctor Who.  I ignored him at first, continuing to spend time with whom I was with.  I went the opposite direction from him.  I remember heading back towards where the edge of the community was, along with the railing and the edge of the mountain. I saw him there again, even though I went the other direction.  He was there with a young woman who looked very similar to Nicole, though quite younger, as well as another young woman.  They were running around and generally having fun, similar to myself and my friend, though I couldn't be sure if it was a date like setting or just friends hanging out.


I found myself in a room, I believe it was with the same group of people though I honestly couldn't be certain. I found myself in what looked like to be a home.  Except there was a man behind a counter in the main entrance.  The young man we were with nodded at him and walked off to the left, down a hallway and into a room.  In there there was a dining room table, a half-wall with a pulled down shutter, and a ticket dispenser.

We sat at the table and he took out some cards, and we started to play a card game.  I blinked and it was like we had eaten dinner.  There were bits of melted butter on the table, and dirty dishes.  We were now playing a version of go fish.  I noticed that they had not put out cards for me, and I didn't say anything.

I blinked again and the cards were now away and someone was saying "The Lawyers (or something similar)" are coming, we have to clean up.  I remember scrambling to pick up silverware and kept dropping them or falling off the plates.

As an off note I also remebered some scenes from a different dream.  Me being in my home and having 3 sets of vitamins, as though I hadn't taken them in a while.  Some were more like cough drops instead of vitamins though.  Also wearing one work shoe and one shoe that is my normal 'every day' shoe.

Meditation Visions

I haven't written anything for this blog in quite a while... Mostly because everything has been quiet for a long time.  Not really a bad thing.  Last night I had an expeirence for the first time in quite a while.  Meditated did some chakra work, and gnerally enjoyed the sensations that come with doing such.  The usual tingles and feelings of weightlessness etc.  I noticed for the first time in quite a while an image playing across my vision.




 Its always interesting to note these because in the past they were always just that, notewothy and usually had something interesting to do with what was going on with me around the same time.  This time around I'm not too sure what to think about it.  I saw a skull of a bull. This image played around in front of me for quite a while, and slowly expanded to include what was seemingly a sand mandala surrounding the skull.

 I also asked my guides to give me their names.  Though I did that after having the vision. I did not remember my dreams from last night though.

Driving, Trains, and Buildings exloading.

I was in a car with another person, though who it was I cannot remember.  We were driving to a place where the employees for a company would park and then ride a train to work.  We got there by driving though a set of plastic dividers, and on the bottom of them where shells like from very large little-neck clams, or some other clam like that.  We drove though them doing 30 or 40 MPH and I rememer worrying that we might damage the clam portion on the bottom due to the speed we were going.  But I believe the driver was afraid that we were going to miss the train.

We got to the place where we are supposed to park, but there was a do not enter sign.  The driver ignored it and drove though the wrong way and parked in a parking space.

Somehow we got to the factory where these items were being made, what they were I cannot remember, though i remember talking to someone who worked there and they mentioned that "There are no handles on the doors."

As I was talking with them an alarm started sounding.  There came with it a voice over the intercoms saying for everyone to evacuate to the 3rd floor.  I saw in my minds eye (or outside of myself?  The building outside?)  A window in the 3rd floor explode outward and a huge fireball follow.

I woke up to my alarm.

Flying cars, and bridges from nowhere.

In last nights dream I found myself in a convertable car.  The car was flying though the air, though inky blackness,  I remember playing with the channels, and 'seeing' the names of the channels going by above the vehicle, like in GTA.  After going though the stations I turned off the radio and soon afterwards the car landed on a bride.  I got out of it and looked back, and saw just a wall of blackness, almost like a scene from Silent Hill.

As I looked back I noticed a brock wall appering out of nowhere, and walked towards it... following that another couple of wals slowly merging together into a single wall.  Looking closer I noticed a crack and though it a single spiral staircase.  Somehow I knew that this was a staircase going up from a basement, and not one heading downward.

As I looked I saw though the crack a shadow slowly shuffling towards me, and heard moans, slowly growing in strengh.  From behind I was attacked by a zombie and I remember attemptign to attack it with my bare hands.  I was awoken by the alarm clock before the dream could continue.

Fireworks mine?

Last night I dreamed once again.

I found myself at school, and I left there, heading off with no destination in mind.  I found myself stopping at a store that I knew to sell fireworks... Walking though I saw where they minded materials to make them, and as I walked though I noticed monks from Tibet, wearing robes and using materials to make sand mandalas.  I noticed later on that the people who worked there were sweeping up the mandalas, just as soon as a monk finished one, before he had even left.  I remember thinking to msyelf how insensitive the people who worked there must be to destory these beautiful works of art.

I'm not sure if anything else happend.  I just wrote this up from memory, though  did make a voice recording of the dream upon awakening.

Boarding house.

Last night I had  a dream that seemed very familar to me.  In fact the first words out of my mouth were, "I have dreamed about this place once before."

I found myself in a old broken dwn room.  the floor angled down toward the wall farthest from me at about a 35 to 40 degree angle.   The door to a hall way was on my left, at the far wall was a dresser laid upoits back, instead of drawers there were shoeboxes, and I knew that they were full of things that I had written myself, code, among other things.

I left the room. Looking around I saw another room across from me.  there was a sign hanging from the door saying "Chuck's Room"  There was another down on the right that said "Maternity Ward" with another sign beneath it, saying it was closed. To the left of me was another closed door, and to my right was an open one.  I walked into that room.

Sitting on an old run down couch was Megan from work.  She was playing with a remote control, trying to change some settings being shown on the TV.  I took it form here and started to look for certain files.  Seemingly knowing what I was doing.

I remember thinking to myself that I had set up this system, but for the life of me couldn't find the control that she was looking for.

Seeing numbers on the screen, I recognized 666% settings, as well as a few others.

I was woken up by my brother after seeing this percentage.

A few things that confuse me.... why was 'my room' at such a angle when the other room wasn't.  Why did I think of it as a boarding house, and as being haunted, but somehow controlled though the use of the technologies.... Just too many questions I think...

Dreams, of work, and finding bikes.

I was in a parking lot, wandering around.  I find a truck marked with seafood symbols and grab at it, somehow moving it using two handles on the rear side of the vehicle.  I then find inside it a pink girls bycicle, along with a pink backpack.

As I was looking though these items I notice a bunch of people in the uniforms from my work running around.  My coworkers in reality.  Someone else finds the bike next to me andsays that they have been looking for it for a few hours.  I also hand over the backpack to the guy.  My coworkers and I go up a slight incline and into the building, which happens to be the same type of store that I work at, just a different location.  We wander around, and one of my coworkers goes into a cafe, that is at the top of he store.

The store is built on an incline, near the 'top'  (that is the back)  the building has a very harsh incline.  I end up wandering around and find a bathroom up there as well.

There were other dreams from last night as well... I wish I could rmember them as well as this one.

Dreams and Tarot Pull

Its been a long while since I posted anything on here... Honestly I'm not even sure if anyone even checks this unless I post the link... So posting for my own record, whoo!

Had a few dreams... I was parked in a driveway somewhere... a very nice car comes and pulls into the place across the street and parks crooked... a woman gets out. and goes into the house... a cop comes flying buy, spins his car around in her driveway and goes off, his blues flashing.  Another one, an SUV comes and does the same thing... Starts to go, stops, does it again and spins barely missing her car.  He puts on his blues and follows the other cop.   The woman gets out of the house and comes over to my car, and seems very scared.  She asked me to drive her somewhere. 

Thats all I remember for that one.

Another dream was about me being in school  It was like I was drifting in and out of awareness... I was there for the duration of a usual Saturday night work-night.  4-930PM... The first teacher was a blond woman, like the one from the first dream... she was using the dry erase board, and the blue marker wasn't erasing, the red one was leaving smudges and afterimages behind.  The next teacher was a brunette and was using an overhead projector.  The flashes of light made me think of a motor-scooter like I saw in a top gear episode with tank like rear wheels and something to do with running from something. When I left the 'class'  An old friend from college, Keith was buying clams by the box and I helped him carry them to his car.  I asked what went on in the class and I seemly couldn't remember his explanation either.

I did a tarot pull asking why I suddenly remembered my dreams tonight after weeks of not doing so, and pulled the six of cups.

A gift, a new friend, new knowledge, that is how I view this card.

Ditching parties, up mountains.

I was in a school of some sort.  I drove there and there was a party in session or shortly there would be one.  I decided to leave before it would start... I left with two others, and I asked them which one of us had the fastest vehicle.  The guywith the truck won out, but he only had a quarter of a tank of gas.  We stopped and filled an old gas tank with preimum fuel.  An dthen continued driving.

Eventaully we started to go up steep concrete roads, around very sharp bends. I remember them explaining we were going up the way we were becuase the shorter mountian pass had mutants on it.  We eventually saw a sign for clean humans.  and saw a notch in front of us.  We accelarted up the notch and came outthe other side and landed in a type of village.  We were in a cortyard and found a way out of it eventually.  I remember getting jumped from behind by a golden retreiver puppy.  I reached into my pocket and found a waifer, and broke a peice off to give to the puppy.  The food multiplied in front of my eyes in the food bowl.  I then woke up.

Dreams of Ghosts, and closed bridges.

Two dreams last night.  One has of me being home with my family.   I want to say i was downstairs in my real home.  With my brother in his room.  I went into the bathroom to use the toilet. I looked up because the door was opening.  In walked a man, a bit shorter than me. He wore black pants, white buton down shirt, suspenders, and I believe black dress shoes.  He had a pencil type mustache.  I looked at him and was overtaken with a feeling of fear and dread.  I couldn't even scream. He didn't even look at me.  he just walked past me to the bath tub and started to lie down in it. I remember running out to my mother who was sitting on the couch, with tears in my eyes, still trying to scream.

The other dream was of me driving a car down a road.  I think my mother was in the passenger seat, and my father in the back seat.  there was a set of jersey barrier sin fron o fus. and I drov e around to thtthe road to the left of them.  There was a bridge, two lanes in each direction, I was in the right most lane.  looking to the right I saw that the barriers that blocked the other way was actually an illusion from where I was and that a car just drove though them from the road I just turned on to.  I followed the traffic oer this over bridge, and suddenly the nose of the car I was driving diped down, I saw the brown murkey waters of a river approaching.  I heard my fathers scream, I dook another breath before the car filled with water...

I woke up after that one, and stayed awake.  It was 10:30 am af that time anyways.

Dreams from last night

From before 6AM, I remember something to do about sherry, that is the drink, not the person.  Also trying to put a basket into the backseat of a convertible, and having it not fit.  So Rosi mixing something with sherry, and the basket thing.

After that I fell asleep again, and woke up around 10AM.

There were two people looking at a house.  The person who was trying to sell it was saying that the people who owned it were kind of strange.  If you stood on the stairs and pushed up on this part of the ceiling that the door would close and lock, and if you touch this fire alarm the doorbell will ring.

To me it seemed like the house was set up to be a fake haunted house.   They walked into the kitchen and saw a empty cup sitting on the coutner top, and a bin full of water.  The guy attempting to sell the house rinsed out the cup and put it away.

They looked at the phone sitting on the counter and saw a message.  The man selling the house said that it was probably a message from Africa, that they had been calling for a while, thinking someone was leaving messages from that number.

I also had a dream about driving down to college, getting out of class at 8PM and driving home... there was something else to this one, but I don't remember what it was.