Ugh.

Okay so conjunctivitis kinda sucks, and my mannager is kind of a dick.  Both of my ears now hurt, though the right one is still ringing and is hard to hear though.  My throat still hurts, along with my cough.

I called out of work again, and this time he actually *let* me.

As far as dreams.  I dreamed that I was at work *surprise*.  I was with the receiving guy, Tony.  He asked me to go into his desk and find a card for him.  it was supposed to be in some tin, and I remember looking though it and not being able to find it.  Like i would find myself in the 's' section and know that it was supposed to be before it.

Thats about all I remember for dreams from last night though.

That was different.

People should know that I dislike confrontation.

I confronted someone, told them how I feel.  Then felt like I was given platitudes to make me want to stay.  I didn't like how he reacted to Luins depatrture, I didn't like how he tried to make it seem like she wasn't doing enough, because she wasn't doing what HE wanted her to.

Fuck them.  To me, magic doesn't work when you WANT it to.  It works when your called to do it, and the timing is right.

Tarot Pull, along with more thoughts.

First off, my general card for the week is the hanged man.

If I remember correctly this is a card depicting the metaphysical over the physical.  Or maybe it is supposed to be the control over such.

According to the book I have... "In spiritual matters, wisdom, prophetic power.  A pause in one's life, suspended decisions.  Self-surrender leads to the transformation of the personality.  Material temptation is conquered."

To me that isn't what my thoughts where when I saw the card.

On to my thoughts... I feel slightly passed over by a group of friends that may or may not read this... I'm not sure what to make of it though.  A part of me thought I was over being accepted by them, but another part of me wonders why I was so obviously overlooked.  Though I have thought that one of them doesn't really care for me much.  I shouldn't be that surprised.

Ah well.  I seem to care too much 90% of the time.

Ugh.

I'm just going to put down a few thoughts today.  Call it a rant, call it what it is.

I love getting mixed signals.  I hear on one hand. "We don't care if you go out, just let us know."

I then hear on the other hand.  "I don't see why you have to go out on a weekday, you should have the curiosity to come home by 9PM."  "I don't see why alcohol has to be included when you go out." "I hear all the time about kids drinking then getting into accidents."

Blah blah blah.

Okay I went out with a couple of friends, had 2 16 ounce glasses of beer, and a whole steak tip dinner.  I'm 25 years old, and weigh about 190 pounds...

Just...  I don't even know what to say.

Last Night...

Last night was a bit of an odd one.

I was eating dinner with my family when the lights flickered.  Could have sworn that I heard a voice cry out faintly as it did so "Momma" Or "Mommy".  My brother, who sits across from me at the table seemed to look around like he heard something as well, so I asked him "Did you hear it too?"  He gave me a look that I'm still not sure meant and asked me what I meant.  I just told him "Never mind."

Later after a few beers, and TV, and some general time with my brother I went upstairs to go to sleep.  Upon lying down for a while I heard something like a thud, or a 'sprong' Almost like a spring being released, like in my old bed.  Or maybe something akin to a hand hitting the side of the bed.  But since I don't have a bed with springs in it anymore, I'm not sure what to make of it.

That made me remember the voice and make a recording about those events.

As far as dreams go, I dreamed I was driving up a mountain going faster and faster, hitting crests and jumping the car, here and there.  Also going back down. Though I'm not sure I was in the car for the decent.

More Dreams

I had a dream that I was in a car with my mother and father, driving down a road that seemed like it was a figure 8, crisscrossing each other.  Along the side and in the middle of these lanes were redwood trees.  I remember that we almost hit one of them while driving down the road.

Another dream, or a later point in the current one.  I was in an almost empty apartment, with my mother and a couch and an end table.  My mom was saying that my dog seemed comfortable here.  And that when my mom had to go somewhere that my dog had stayed in this apartment with some friends of hers.

This dream then turned pretty cartoonish, where there was a fly who had the ability to open a lock, or eat though it.  The locks were attached to floating carrots, and the fly was eating though the lock and giving the carrot to my dog, who would then eat it.  The fly then ate more locks, letting the carrots fall to the floor.  It then started to count, 1, 2, 3, to the number 10.  The locks were then ground down into these monsters, or more flys and said "Get ready to run" and started to chase my dog.

Thats about all I remember.

Dreams?

01.07

I was with my brother in a car, it seemed to be the old toyota, which was my grandmothers car.  We stopped to put gas in it because it was empty.  My brother attempted to search for a credit card reader on the pump, and the owner of the station yelled at us for not reading the sign.  He told us to use that pump, and he pointed at it.  I used it, and ended up overfilling the car, and the gas went all over the ground.

01.08

I had a dream where I met my new manager, she was kind of plain, in a stern way.  She had me go to another store to pick up a few things.  When I was in my car a person wearing a meat jacket popped up in my backseat and told me that we also had to get something else.  A box of cereal I believe it was.  We get there, meet a few people, and one of the managers there offered me a job because one of the people that was working there didn't like working full time.

The dream then changes to me being in my car again and Chantal is sitting in my car with me.  It is pouring rain outside, and I can see Chantal's groceries outside in the rain. We sat in my car, waiting for the rain to stop and talked a while.  I remember that she got out of the car, and she had been buying birdseed for some reason.

01.09

Had a dream where I drove to linen's and things to get new sheets.  Which I have in reality.  Also something about an accident?

01.10

This one was a bit weird.  Near the end of the dream it was very cartoonish, but it didn't start that way.  It started out with me looking at two dead bodies.  Both of them with a knife plunged though their chest hanging from a wall.  Carved into one of them was the words.   "The dead give."  The dream continued with me trying to find who had killed them.  Near the end it was very cartoonish where I was jumping on flying saucers.  I remember that the ending was where i was moving though something resembling a human body, digging down deeper into it.  But it was like watching someone else do it.  I think near the end I was trying to kill the person who had killed the two at the beginning of the dream.

Thoughts

As an off note, I met my  new manager today, and he had me go down to another store to get some frozen salmon that a customer had wanted... So I guess the dream from 01.08 was a bit correct? But I had a male manage instead of a female one, and no one popped up in my backseat.

Different Pull...

I decided to do a different sort of Pull tonight.  3 cards, the first being a general for the week, the second being "The Gate" Or an event that is going to have to happen during the week, and the final being "The outcome" or the result of that event.

My first card was: The Page of Swords; Reversed.

That card in that configuration means "Impostor, likely to be exposed. Frivolity and cunning. Possibility of ill health.  Be prepared for the unexpected."

My next card was: The High Priestess; Reversed

This card means "Conceit, sensual enjoyment. Accepting surface knowledge."

Which leads me to my final card: The Five of Swords; Upright

Which means "Failure, defeat. Degradation.  Conquest of others. Unfairness, slander, cruelty, cowardliness."  At least according to the book.  My first thoughts upon seeing this card was that of others turning their back upon someone, leaving them to do the hard work that could be done easier with their help.

I'm not completely sold on the meaning of the 3rd card, as it is somewhat dependent upon the one before it.  Which I am not sure is the correct way to read it either...