Oracle card: Hare

I pulled another card, and got the following, without the intent of reading reversed or not, and got the Hare, reversed:

I think the intent here is that I am focusing a bit too much on the outside and need to take care of things at home before I really can get my footing on my path.  It seems like a good fit just because I know things at home are... untenable. My mom is going to need more help moving forward, especially as I see her moving more towards what is defined as "moderate dementia" symptoms.

In reality I know what I need to do, but it still feels like abandoning responsibility. Even when I know that the reality of the situation is she is going to need more care moving forward, and if I find myself unable (or unwilling?) to provide it at these stages... The difficultly moving forward is only going to get more difficult. In comes the hare, a reminder that "I may need to apply common sense to a greater degree than I have in the past". I feel like it speaks to me here.

Oracle Card: Earth Dragon

I decided to pull a card this morning from my druid oracle deck, with the intention of not reading it reversed, but as an upright card, but was initially pulled reversed, and pulled the Earth Dragon:

Earth Dragon – Power, Potential, Riches

The Earth Dragon (Draig-talamh) brings us face to face with our potential. Wishing us we have a treasure house of riches – of powers and capacities – that we can learn how to use. In the past, we may have been denied access by the guardian of this treasure. But now we are coming to understand that this sometimes fierce guardian is in reality an aspect of ourselves. By coming to know and love Draig-talamh, we will be able to unlock the secrets of our heart, and at the same time we will find ourselves discovering the beauty and the power that lie within the hearts of those around us and in the very earth itself.

This card might also indicate that somehow you are relating in an inappropriate way to your inner reserves and potential. Earth Dragon guard the treasures of your should fiercely, but he is your ally, not your enemy – do not try to kill him and do not try to wrest the treasure away from him. You may need to spend time befriending this creature who has slumbered in your should for so long. A precipitous attempt to capitalize on your talents or express. your potential may be unwise.

Druid Animal Oracle by Philip and Stephanie Carr-Gomm, art by Will Worthington

Source: https://partingthemists.com/2018/04/09/card-of-the-day-earth-dragon/ 

The second paragraph was the 'reverse' meaning according to the book that I have with the cards. Potential is a good word, I think this is an indication of me needing to continue to perform shadow work and understand and let go of the past.

I think that part of me has always been afraid of what I might have, what I could become if I stopped holding myself back. There is a both a positive and a negative aspect to this part of me. I know from my own past mistakes that I am not always the most balanced person and I feel like the other crutches (THC, mostly) that I have gained over the past few years has not been fully positive, but are still worthwhile tools to have in my life.

I want to get more in touch with myself. I need to come to terms with my own past and find it within myself to move forward. To make the choices that need to be made in regards to my mom's ailing mental state. The status quo is not tenable, it cannot hold forever. In fact its more than likely worse than I want to see, but I am just too close to the issue to really know.

I need to befriend my earth dragon, I need to take power back in my life and make the choices, regardless of how hard they might be.

An attempt at journaling, getting back on the path

Its been a long time since I wrote anything on here. Surprised the site still exists.
Its now August 22nd, 2023.

I have been out of the metaphysical space for a while, but have been making a serious attempt at being a better version of myself.

Looking back at some of my posts here, the separation between the me of now and then seems large.

I want to get back into a meditation practice. I want to get my life back. I feel present, for the first time in a while, at least since I got my new job (April 19th, 2015).

Between now and then? My father died. (February 17, 2017), my mom has Alzheimer's, and was undergoing testing as of December 2017, but wasn't diagnosed until much later. I'm not sure if that was due to job loss, other stress and mostly me being on autopilot.

I can see where my life took turns that if I was more aware, more in control of my actions I would have avoided or done better.

The past is just that. Water spilled cannot ever be put back into the container, but at least I have some pretty Rorschach style tests to remind me of those...