Tarot time?!? I think it is. Yes.

Ive been neglecting doing a tarot reading for myself for a while.

So.  I did one, just now.  General reading for the week

My card?

This card, upright, means "Force of character, spiritual power overcoming material power, love triumphing over hate, the higher nature over carnal desires."

That is what the book I have says. As to how it relates to my week? I would say that I need to focus on those qualities to get though it.  Meaning overall that my week itself seems like it is not going to be the best week ever.  Ah well.

Dreams.

So... I was almost late to work today.  Woke up 4AM to my alarm, snoozed until 5, with it going off again and again. Fell back asleep around 5, and since it was an hour past when the alarm was set It didn't go off again.

Ended up having the following dream.  Megan S, Meghan F. along with two Asian people were in my car.  I was in the back set Meghan F was driving, I believe though one of the larger cities near where I live,  A song.. I believe this one came on from my USB drive.  I went to change it and the Asian people stopped me.

I was woken up while jamming to that tune by my father.

"Its 5:30, don't you have to be at work?"

So I got dressed ran out the door to work, worked till noon, losing my voice throughout because of calling numbers.

Megan and Meghan both were at work, oddly enough.  Megan had me go into her purse and put lemon oil in my water, she says its good for your throat when its sore.  Nice of her, if a bit awkward for me.  ha.

I then got home after 12:30, sat in the sun for a while with my dog, and parents, came in ate some stew, showered, slept from 2-5:30, ate some dinner and here I am....

Could be worse I guess.

Dreamin'

I had a seemingly epic dream last night.

I found myself attempting to get into my place of work at night.  The store itself was seemingly darker than it has ever been before. I was with at least 2 friends, and I don't remember why I wanted to get into the store itself. I then heard something moving in the pitch black parking lot behind me.

Turning around I saw a shopping carriage roll past the entrance that I was standing at. Suddenly The 'parking lot' seemed to shift.  My car was now parked down a hill next to a large grassy hill.  The carriage moved down towards my parked car, and I remember thinking "I hope that doesn't hit my car!"

The carriage seemed to turn sideways and stopped in front of my car without hitting it.  I then heard another carriage starting to move.  Looking into the darkness of what was once again my works parking lot, I could see nothing.  Another shopping cart went flying past, heading towards where my car was parked, suddenly there was another car parked there, I believe it could have been my mothers white car.

I called out into the darkness "Who's there!" No one answered.  I heard a noise behind me, and turned around, someone walked out of a doorway, I turned to my friends and we walked down the hill towards the cars.  I got into mine, while they get into the other one.  My dog came running down the hill and I opened the passenger door for her. Getting into the car myself I started the engine.

The car sounded like shit.  It honestly sounded like it was in either the wrong gear or that something was horribly wrong with the transmission.  I somehow found myself driving to the mall, while it was still dark out.  I managed to get inside and just wandered around.  No one bothered me while I was there.  I wandered though the empty stores, sometimes seeing nighttime personnel, but otherwise not seeing many people.

I made my way to the exit of the mall and saw a couple of cute girls, I walked up to my car, and theirs was parked right next to mine.  Somehow I found myself getting into the back seat of their vehicle, and I looked at the one getting into the passenger seat.  "You know, if you wanted to you could get into the back seat with me?" I remember either thinking or saying.  I then remember freaking out a bit, wondering if I had said that out loud or to myself.

I think this is when I woke up.

I do have two other 'dream segments'

One was where I was at work, in the receiving area.  I believe one of the part time receivers was there, Laura, a women that I knew back in 4th grade or so.  I remember I had a pillow, and was spraying it with something, Lysol or febreeze or something similar.  Someone then walked into the back room and grabbed it from me, and put their head down on it. 

This could have come before the whole 'being outside of work' or something completely unrelated.

I then had another dream  I was looking at a system of roots.  At the end of each 'branch, was something resembling an eye.  These eyes either stropped there or had two child nodes coming out of them, and so on with each resulting node.  Something was manipulating these nodes, causing the last nodes to either grow new child nodes, or for one of the adult nodes to absorb the power of the child nodes.

I remember thinking that whoever was manipulating this situation was doing so to make each of these nodes as powerful as possible.  I then saw one of these 'trees' roots to move, and to cause the eye to disconnect, it fell and hit somewhere, and exploded.  "I think they are doing this to create weapons." I thought.

That was my dreams from last night...  *shrugs*  In other news Ive been feeling slightly under the weather, headache, stuffy nose, sneezing, couching, phlegm, I feel a bit better now though.

taking a bit of time...

Ive been thinking that maybe Ive been doing a bit too much tarot lately.

In other news, I'm up to 14K words in nanowrimo... I feel pretty good about that...

Ive been neglecting to do things like meditate though, at least serious meditation.  Maybe tonight... though I have work at 6:30 in the morning tomorrow, and then 7 on Friday.

Tarot

Problem	Solution

So, The Sun, again, as my problem.
Book meaning? "Material happiness, success, attainment. A good marriage.  Happy reunions. Achievements in the arts, science, and agriculture. Studies completed; liberation. Pleasure in the simple life"

My Solution? The Hierophant.

Book meaning? "Preference for the outer forms of religion, the ritual, the creed, the ceremony.  The importance of social approval; the need to conform to society."

[22:02:42] <@Luinbariel> I think the Heirophant is a teacher, one whom you draw a lot of knowledge from in many ways including spiritual knowledge. The act of being under such a person's wing, that kind of thing.

Is what Luin had said.  Which would make more sense in this spread.  Basically what is being said is that I'm enjoying the material, but I should be more focused on the immaterial, on those things that cannot be counted, and focused upon.  It makes sense, and slightly confirms a few thoughts I've had.  "I should be meditating more" and all of that.

I guess the sun could also be seen as a card that is saying "Look at me, I'm bright enough to shine on my own.  I can do what I want... Hence the sunflowers looking towards the child and not at the sun.

That needs more thought. 

One step...

Finally getting closer to maybe changing things in my life a bit.

On Luin's urging I finally made the phone call to my friend Keith, about the job offer he had for me... a bit late, but better than nothing I guess.  Hes going to talk to the temp agency that is hiring for the company, to see if they are willing to negotiate their starting wage up to where I am now, 10.50 an hour.

I don't think I will want to quit my part time job even if I get it, even if I just work a few nights a week... I dunno I guess that's me being nostalgic or something.  Hes going to call me Monday he says.

Edit:  I know I should work on getting a better job, and that it probably isn't the best job for me... but... I think its time for a change, and I should give this a shot... *shrugs*

Been awhile...

Wow... its been a while since I updated this... Lets see, Saturday night I lost power, as did my work, I stayed late there... Sunday I had to be up early to drive though a snowstorm to get back to work, stayed there for 6 hours, and then I was on a mini-vacation from monday though friday... so I have one day off left!

Been busy though...

So, onto tarot, which Ive been negelecting...

Problem - Solution pull as I have been doing.

Problem, reversed	Solution

The card Strength, reversed means "Domination of the material. Discord, lack of moral force, fear of the unknown in ourselves, abuse of power." According to the book. The first thing that came into my head when I looked at this card though was "lack of strength" or basicly Ive been too lax, and too weak, in my own strength of character. Ive been doing what others want and that maybe just maybe Ive been letting them get things their way for too long.

Lets see what the book has to say about the two of pentacles... "Te ability to juggle two situations at one time. Lightheartedness. gaiety. Recreation. Harmony in the midst of change. New projects may be difficult to launch. News and messages in writing. A nature industrious yet unreliable, elated and then melancholic"

Hmm, so the second card is saying to basicly "take it all in stride, juggle your problems, and hope that they will sort them out?"  Maybe I'm reading these incorrectly.  but part of it is just saying "ride the waves" but maybe the first card is just indicating that these problems exist, but that they will somewhat work themselves out without causing too much upheival...

I'm tired. Time for sleep!

Oh, Im behind in my NaNoWriMo... but I'm trying to keep up!

Tarot Pull

Problem	Solution

So Without going into the long and short of it, the hanged man is saying that my self-surrender is the problem in this case, while the 9 of wands is saying that I need to find the strength to push though to the end...

Some days...

Okay, I'm trying hard not to be a bitch about things, alright.  But venting is needed.

Okay, so I went out last night, okay so it was a group of just male friends, bowling, okay, so I had a few fucking drinks, okay, I had fun, I, yes me, went out with a FRIEND, and had FUN.

Fuck off and have a nice night.

So I came home at 12:30 in the morning, and I'm sorry I woke your ass up, yes, you NEED your sleep, and yes you fucking CAN'T fall asleep like a normal fucking human being, and YES your fucking mind TURNS AND TURNS at night, get a fucking sleeping aide like a normal fucking person.

And beyond that, asking "So, how was the sausage-fest last night" DOES NOT A FUCKING "conversation starter" make, and YOU WONDER WHY I just answered with an "eh, good, how was your day" "Horrible" Oh, thats nice, and you wonder why i'm not having a conversation with you yet?

"You don't seem like yourself today" Well because I woke up to someone being bitchy, cause I didn't answer my phone, and RUN out to get a haircut this morning, and its MY FAULT that he knocked over a box of white cornmeal, and I'm supposed to DROP everything because your hip is hurting, again. Well I'm sorry, I have a PART-TIME job to get to, which I work 5 hours a day...


Just... fuck this day.



FUCK!


Anyways, since I'm here I might as well do a tarot card pull...

Tarot pull - Problem and Solution

Problem	Solution, reversed

Hmm, so my problem is the five of cups, upright.  I am not going to use my book on this particular card, since I think I know what it means.  It is akin to looking at all of the things you have already lost, as attributed by the spilt cups in front of him.  Meanwhile behind him is two cps still full, still there for the taking, but instead of looking at what he has, he is mourning the loss of what is in front of him.

Just to double check myself -- Book defines it as "Disappointment.  Sorrow in those things from which pleasure was expected.  Disillusionments in love.. Marriage broken up. Loss of friendship. Vain regrets; loss, but with something left over"

I like the way I look at the card better in my opinion.

The other card, the five of swords, reversed... I am not as familiar with.
 "Beware of pride.  There is a chance of loss or defeat.  Attendance at a funeral. Empy victory. Sorrow. Weakness"

Hmm... not a happy pull, on either side of this it seems..

So... my problem is regretting what Ive lost, or even failed to obtain in the first place, but... the solution, beware of pride?   Attendance at a funeral, well I do have a sick uncle... cancer.  Ugh, this is just a sad pull overall, and I'm not even sure how I could tie these together.

Another Tarot Pull

No images today, until I can figure out a better way to set it up.
Six of pentacles reversed. was todays problem. Four of swords, reversed, was todays solution.

The Six of pentacles while reversed deals with being purse proud, not giving when one should, jealsouy, bad debts, present prosperity threatened. Gifts given as a bribe.

This is an interesting card to note, because I have been receiving less hours at work, but also told my parents if need be, I can take over one of the household bills to be able to help them out...

The Four of swords, reversed deals with renewed activity, qualified success.. Movement in ones affairs; social unrest. A caution to be wise, circumspect and economical.

Also interesting, considering the other card here. I suppose its telling me that, I shouldn't be too selfish as to not help out, but to be do so within my means, and not overreach my bounds.

Good advice for anyone I suppose. In other news, I woke up this morning at 4:30, to a ball of light, flashing before my eyes, and being very light sensitive. I also meditated this morning, grounded myself, cleansed my chakras, and attempted to setup a 'sensing' shield. I should work on it more, later perhaps.

Tarot Pull - Problem and Solution

Problem, Reversed

So, the problem I faced today was, the three of cups, reversed. The meaning of that card is "over indulgence of food or drink, success turns to ashes, pleasure turns to pain, too much sensuality"

The other card, King of swords "power, strength, authority, military intelegance" among a few other things.

So, trying to pull these into something that could have affected me today.  I was asked to go out today, for bowling, and a few beers, which could have been a problem, but I didn't go.  I'm not too sure that these have much effect on me today. I am going to try to do one of these a day, and try to learn the cards, and get better at reading what they mean.

Ranting

I guess I had a few options for this rant... Facebook, here, a chat-room with semi-sympathetic ears... or a word document... Six one way half dozen the other I suppose.

I am starting to hate being talked down to like some semi-functional human.  Like the little retarded kid who isn't going to realize that as soon as your done talking to him your going to turn around and bad mouth them behind their backs.

I don't even know why I am bothering to write any of this down at all.  I have always let the injustices slide off my back before, why should this be any different...  For fucks sake its not like anyone reads this anyways, except for Luin, who I as probably one of my best friends at the moment....  Lets see... I can count maybe... 2 people I am currently working with as something resembling friends, meaning I can have a conversation with them and not think that they are going to turn around and laugh about it behind my back.  Can I honestly even consider them friends?  I see them at work, sometimes talk with them in the parking lot after the fact...

Something is bound to break at some point... Goodness knows what... Its not like its anything new to me; I went though school under the same stressors and came though that intact.

My oldest boss, the full timer that got transferred to her store, those people I trusted, whom I felt that I could have a meaningful conversation with.

~~~~

Enough of that I guess... It seems like all indicators are pointing at me needing to let something change... I have heard from 3, or maybe its 5 now, people that I should consider asking for full time at the place I am working at now.  All's I can think about is that I already don't care for my job now...

But really when I think about it... I should have asked Meghan about her father when I saw her Saturday night.  My current manager said that he works for our company as an IT professional at corporate. I need to call Keith, talk to him.  He offered to put my name in for consideration for the job that he is getting promoted from, where he was making 9 dollars an hour... but that would be a 1.50 an hour paycut, even if I worked full time there, I would still be taking a hit on the money end of things...

~~~

Unrelated note, Tammy, Allissa, and possibly Megan will be joining me for the meeting/video showing of Paratom, from the last post... should be interesting considering Megan is one of the few people who talks to me like a human being and not like I'm a fucking retard... Unlike most of the people my age or younger who I work with... Tammy and Allissa being older I guess I just don't get the vibe... quite as much.  Maybe I'm just getting more and more cynical. 

Long work week.

Well this week has been very long for me.  Since I usually work part time, on average of 30 hours a week. And this week I have worked 31.5 hours in the last 3 days, plus 14 hours over another 3 days of work.


Also, did I wonder if anyone else had one of those days, on Friday.  It seemed like every time I had my back to an open space yesterday, I was expecting someone to be behind me watching me.  I turned around on more than one occasion and could have sworn I saw a flash of a face at varying distances away.  And it seemed like it wasn't always the same either.

Below the cut, dreams from Friday night.