Drunk Tarot

Problem	Solution

Well this is a first, two of the same suite... The three of swords means "Stormy weather for the affections, Tears, separation, quarreling.  A general upheaval of the environment. Possibility of civil war. Political strife."

The 9 of swords? "Suffering, loss, misery, Burden, oppression. Doubt and desolation. Illness. May mean death of a loved one"

Dude... what?

Tarot Pull...

Problem, Reversed	Solution Reversed

Alrighty then...The knight means "a static nature that is unprogressive, dull, timid, idle, or careless.  It indicates stagnation in one's affairs."

I can agree with that.

The queen? "A perverse character. Intelligent but not to be relied on. Dishonesty. Immorality"

Um, wat?

Tarot Pull

Problem, Reversed	Solution, Reversed

So, The Hermit, reversed means "Refusal to listen to wisdom, Immaturity, foolish vices. Rejection of maturity; the tendency to be a perpetual Peter Pan"

I could see those being problems, I wonder what the Page of Pentacles reveals?

Page of Pentacles, reversed "Dissipation and excess.  Too great pleasure in the material things of life. Wastefulness, luxury. News of the loss of money or worldly goods."

I... don't see how those two correlate, or relate to me at the moment.  I can be immature, at times, but... I don't see how the page in this case relates to the hermit... thoughts?

Dream and Tarot Pull

Hmm, I had a dream last night.  I was in my car, selling coffee out of the back seat, I just put into the keg a full pot of pumpkin coffee. My father showed up, asking why I was still in the car, and I told him it was because I was waiting for these people to decide if they wanted to buy coffee or not. They said they didn't, so I left the car, and locked up, and found myself in the store.

Inside there were 2 women, one blond haired, the other, a brunette, and the blond was wandering around.  I was looking around and noticed gum, bought from another store, repriced and put out for 3.29 a package.  The blond woman walked around me, touching things, looking at a roast beef that was left out, on top of a case, running her hand along it, then along my arm, smiling, and wandering away.

She kept coming back around to me, so I finally followed her into the next room, walking up behind her, and grasping her, feeling her curves...  Her friend poked her head around the corner, blushed and walked away... I woke up as I slipped my hands down between her legs...

Yea....

Onto tarot pull!

Tarot Pull + Dream

So, lets start with the pull

Problem	Solution

I kinda wish i was doing this on purpose now...

My problem is the ace of cups, "The beginning of great love. Joy, contentment. Productiveness, fertility. Beauty and pleasure. A reminder that when the mind is filled with Spirit, the Spirit will fill the material cup to overflowing"

My solution is The High Priestess, "Unrevaled future, hidden influences at work. Of special value for artists, poets, composers, mystics.  When this card apperas in a man's reading, it represents the perfect woman all men dream of; in a woman's reading it may indicate that she can find such virtues in herself or in a friend."

The points that stand out to me is the fact that the problem card has connected to it "A reminder that when the mind is filled with spirit..."  Whereas the second card, my solution is the high priestess which is a card that is highly dealing with matters of a spiritual nature.  I think that this pull is telling me that I have been ignoring matters of the spirit, as of late, in order to deal with matters of the physical.

Something to ponder I suppose, now onto something spiritual (in a sense) with a dream from last night.

Tarot Pull

Problem	Solution

The Ten of Cups means "contentment. Lasting happiness because it is inspired from above rather than being the sensual satisfaction indicated in the nine of cups. Perfection of human love. Great friendship. lasting success. Peacemaking."

The empress means "material wealth, marriage, fertility for would-be parents, for farmers, or for people in the creative arts.  If its position is not in the best placement in relation to other cards, it sometimes indicates luxury or dissipation."

I'm not seeing how these two cards are related really.  I can see that the problem is kind of pointing at those qualities taken to extremes, for example the fact I try to keep the peace, and such.  But I'm not sure how to take the empress in this situation.

Tarot Pull

Problem	Solution

So Without going into the long and short of it, the hanged man is saying that my self-surrender is the problem in this case, while the 9 of wands is saying that I need to find the strength to push though to the end...

Some days...

Okay, I'm trying hard not to be a bitch about things, alright.  But venting is needed.

Okay, so I went out last night, okay so it was a group of just male friends, bowling, okay, so I had a few fucking drinks, okay, I had fun, I, yes me, went out with a FRIEND, and had FUN.

Fuck off and have a nice night.

So I came home at 12:30 in the morning, and I'm sorry I woke your ass up, yes, you NEED your sleep, and yes you fucking CAN'T fall asleep like a normal fucking human being, and YES your fucking mind TURNS AND TURNS at night, get a fucking sleeping aide like a normal fucking person.

And beyond that, asking "So, how was the sausage-fest last night" DOES NOT A FUCKING "conversation starter" make, and YOU WONDER WHY I just answered with an "eh, good, how was your day" "Horrible" Oh, thats nice, and you wonder why i'm not having a conversation with you yet?

"You don't seem like yourself today" Well because I woke up to someone being bitchy, cause I didn't answer my phone, and RUN out to get a haircut this morning, and its MY FAULT that he knocked over a box of white cornmeal, and I'm supposed to DROP everything because your hip is hurting, again. Well I'm sorry, I have a PART-TIME job to get to, which I work 5 hours a day...


Just... fuck this day.



FUCK!


Anyways, since I'm here I might as well do a tarot card pull...

Tarot Pull

Problem, reversed	Solution

Hmm

So the Queen of pentacles, reversed means "Mistrust, suspicion, Deties neglected. Dependence on others. Changeable. Fearful of failure"

While the sun means, "material happiness, success, attainment. A good marriage. Happy reunions. Achievements in the arts, science, and agriculture. Studies completeed; liberation. Pleasure in the simple life"

So basicly these cards are saying that my mistrust of others, and my dependance on my family is causing me to be fearful of my own failure.  The sun, in this cause is pretty much saying "Get out, Do, experience..."

A pretty interesting pull, considering I am leaving to go out in about 10 minutes.

Tarot Pull

Problem	Solution

So the chariot, means "triumph, success, control over the forces of nature -- thus triumph over ill health as well as money difficulties or enemies of any sort, including one's own lower animal passions.  This is a card of those who achieve greatness.. It may also indicate travel in comfort. Mental and physical powers should lead to fulfillment."

The moon on the other hand means "intuition, imagination, deception.  Unfoldment of latent psychic powers.  Unforeseen perils, secret foes.  Bad luck for one you love."

Seems like an interesitng pull once again, not exactly happy, but... I dunno...

Something to note, I got a weird feeling as I was shuffling the deck, stopped there, and di the cuts, and this is what I pulled...

Tarot Pull - Problem & solution

Problem	Solution

So our problem today was the 6 of wands.
"Good news.  Victory after strife. Pleasure gained though labor.  Success though industry.  Advancement in the arts and sciences. Friends are helpful."

Our solution, the four of pentacles means "assured material gain, success. Earthly power, but leading to nothing beyond it. Gifts legacy, inheritance. May indicate a miserly, ungenerous character"

 I'm having issues figuring out how these two cards fit, the problem card represents something quite positive, while the solution card seems to reflect something much darker.  Almost as if the solution to the problem of working hard is to... take what I can get and keep it to myself...

Eh... not sure how I feel about this pull to be honest.

Tarot pull - Problem and Solution

Problem	Solution, reversed

Hmm, so my problem is the five of cups, upright.  I am not going to use my book on this particular card, since I think I know what it means.  It is akin to looking at all of the things you have already lost, as attributed by the spilt cups in front of him.  Meanwhile behind him is two cps still full, still there for the taking, but instead of looking at what he has, he is mourning the loss of what is in front of him.

Just to double check myself -- Book defines it as "Disappointment.  Sorrow in those things from which pleasure was expected.  Disillusionments in love.. Marriage broken up. Loss of friendship. Vain regrets; loss, but with something left over"

I like the way I look at the card better in my opinion.

The other card, the five of swords, reversed... I am not as familiar with.
 "Beware of pride.  There is a chance of loss or defeat.  Attendance at a funeral. Empy victory. Sorrow. Weakness"

Hmm... not a happy pull, on either side of this it seems..

So... my problem is regretting what Ive lost, or even failed to obtain in the first place, but... the solution, beware of pride?   Attendance at a funeral, well I do have a sick uncle... cancer.  Ugh, this is just a sad pull overall, and I'm not even sure how I could tie these together.

Dreams

Well, I dreamed last night that I got a package in the mail. In it was a packet of a substance that looked like sand, and a machine that slowly heats up the air around it... I believe it was made so that you could pour the sand on yourself, and 'melt' it to create things on your skin... Along with that I remember getting handed an apple, and a few other disjointed things... Weird night all in all.

More Tarot

Problem, Reversed	Solution

Hmm The Three of pentacles, reversed. "Lack of skill, Ignorance, Selfishness. Commenplace ideals; preoccupation with gain" Death on the other hand, our solution, means "Transformation, change, destruction followed by renewal. The change may be in consciousness,. Birth of new ideas, new opportunities." I guess I have been focusing on my own gain as of late, thinking of trying to find a new better paying job, and all of that, though the solution is just to go about and make the changes, is what it seems to be telling me. These two seem to fit together quite well... and makes sense to me... I talked to a coworker today, her father works for the company in the IT department, just asked her to introduce me at some time... I never did call Keith on his offer either... I should tuesday, since I have that day off.

Tarot - Huh?

Wanted to do the tarot pull for the night before sleeping...

The Problem	The Solution

If that worked, this looks pretty now..

Anywho.

The Sun, which is the problem in this case is an interesting card...

"Material happiness, success, attainment.  A good marriage, Happy reunions.  Achievements in the arts, science and agriculture.  Studies completed; liberation.  Pleasure in the simple life"

There is nothing negative in this card, as far as I can see...   Lets see what the world brings to the table..

"Completion, reward, success, triumph in all undertakings. Travel, change of residence, arrival at a state of Cosmic Consciousness.  The path of liberation"

Hmm, granted going on with the book meanings, but I fail to see what these particular cards are trying to say.  

Another Tarot Pull

No images today, until I can figure out a better way to set it up.
Six of pentacles reversed. was todays problem. Four of swords, reversed, was todays solution.

The Six of pentacles while reversed deals with being purse proud, not giving when one should, jealsouy, bad debts, present prosperity threatened. Gifts given as a bribe.

This is an interesting card to note, because I have been receiving less hours at work, but also told my parents if need be, I can take over one of the household bills to be able to help them out...

The Four of swords, reversed deals with renewed activity, qualified success.. Movement in ones affairs; social unrest. A caution to be wise, circumspect and economical.

Also interesting, considering the other card here. I suppose its telling me that, I shouldn't be too selfish as to not help out, but to be do so within my means, and not overreach my bounds.

Good advice for anyone I suppose. In other news, I woke up this morning at 4:30, to a ball of light, flashing before my eyes, and being very light sensitive. I also meditated this morning, grounded myself, cleansed my chakras, and attempted to setup a 'sensing' shield. I should work on it more, later perhaps.

Tarot Pull - Problem and Solution

Problem, Reversed

So, the problem I faced today was, the three of cups, reversed. The meaning of that card is "over indulgence of food or drink, success turns to ashes, pleasure turns to pain, too much sensuality"

The other card, King of swords "power, strength, authority, military intelegance" among a few other things.

So, trying to pull these into something that could have affected me today.  I was asked to go out today, for bowling, and a few beers, which could have been a problem, but I didn't go.  I'm not too sure that these have much effect on me today. I am going to try to do one of these a day, and try to learn the cards, and get better at reading what they mean.

Another night of dreams.

Busy night, two longish dreams, and a short remebered segment that doesn't seem to fit under cut.

Scaryish Dream

I was just woken up from a pretty dark dream, so its probably going to be a bit disjointed...

I seemed to be in an old house, I remembered that it seemed really familiar and that it was almost video-game-like in the way that I remembered in the dream "If I do this, these events will happen"  Like "If I go down this hallway I will get lost" or something equally as contrived.  I remember looking though one of the windows knowing that at one point I saw 'someone' run though the yard, and that if I leave this room, go down such and such a hallway I would find other clues.

The dream was very silent-hill-esque now that I think about it...

It also had some boarderland like features.  At one point I remember I was running from some creature and there was something very much like a cutscene, where I watched something resembling a claptrap come out of a machine, and that is what was supposed to be chasing me... I remember going though doors and getting stuck on things on the floor, like you did in badly programmed games at times.  I remember just before i got woken up I was running away from a humanoid creature that was chasing me down, and thinking "I need such and such a talisman so that this thing doesn't kill me outright as soon as I confront it, and running away tripping on things on the floor, then going though a doorway.  I was then... outside myself, and I was closing the door behind the me that just ran though it thinking that I would... protect myself? my brother?

Needless to say, I was about to confront that which I feared, without the items that would protect me.

I was then woken up by someone and slightly angry about it.

Ranting

I guess I had a few options for this rant... Facebook, here, a chat-room with semi-sympathetic ears... or a word document... Six one way half dozen the other I suppose.

I am starting to hate being talked down to like some semi-functional human.  Like the little retarded kid who isn't going to realize that as soon as your done talking to him your going to turn around and bad mouth them behind their backs.

I don't even know why I am bothering to write any of this down at all.  I have always let the injustices slide off my back before, why should this be any different...  For fucks sake its not like anyone reads this anyways, except for Luin, who I as probably one of my best friends at the moment....  Lets see... I can count maybe... 2 people I am currently working with as something resembling friends, meaning I can have a conversation with them and not think that they are going to turn around and laugh about it behind my back.  Can I honestly even consider them friends?  I see them at work, sometimes talk with them in the parking lot after the fact...

Something is bound to break at some point... Goodness knows what... Its not like its anything new to me; I went though school under the same stressors and came though that intact.

My oldest boss, the full timer that got transferred to her store, those people I trusted, whom I felt that I could have a meaningful conversation with.

~~~~

Enough of that I guess... It seems like all indicators are pointing at me needing to let something change... I have heard from 3, or maybe its 5 now, people that I should consider asking for full time at the place I am working at now.  All's I can think about is that I already don't care for my job now...

But really when I think about it... I should have asked Meghan about her father when I saw her Saturday night.  My current manager said that he works for our company as an IT professional at corporate. I need to call Keith, talk to him.  He offered to put my name in for consideration for the job that he is getting promoted from, where he was making 9 dollars an hour... but that would be a 1.50 an hour paycut, even if I worked full time there, I would still be taking a hit on the money end of things...

~~~

Unrelated note, Tammy, Allissa, and possibly Megan will be joining me for the meeting/video showing of Paratom, from the last post... should be interesting considering Megan is one of the few people who talks to me like a human being and not like I'm a fucking retard... Unlike most of the people my age or younger who I work with... Tammy and Allissa being older I guess I just don't get the vibe... quite as much.  Maybe I'm just getting more and more cynical. 

Dreams about snow?

Its a little early in the year, but it is honestly colder so far this month than it was during the month of November last year.

I had a dream where I was in my house and I looked outside and it was snowing... Kinda inconsequential but I don't know...

I am going to see the paranormal investigation group Paratom this tuesday.... Should be interesting if nothing else.  My boss heard me and a coworker talking about going and said that it sounded interesting and that she might go as well...

Another dream.

Last night I got to meditate again, for the first time in a while, did some grounded meditation, but got interrupted by what sounded like footsteps on the landing in front of the bathroom.  Clearly the most logical explanation would be the house settling, but it was still odd..

I woke up around 9 remembering the following dream.

I was walking with my friend Keith from college.  He was talking to an Asian girl asking if they could meet up later, but it was becoming clear she was having a hard time understanding him.  He finally just asked he if he could grope her, and I laughed.  Chantal from work said to not encourage him, but I was still chuckling.

I found myself in a house, or apartment building of some sort. I believe with my father.  He pulled his bed away from the wall, and un-tucked some of the blankets because it was too tight.  We somehow decided to go into the secret room, and attempted to find the hidden door.

The wallpaper in this room looks excactly like the wallpaper in my parents room in reality.  As we opened the door, I saw it rip, almost like the paper was over the hidden door.

We went into the dusty dark room, and slowly looked around.  Sitting in the center was a table on top of which was a statue that looked like an angel figure.  I continued to wander about, and came across a table.  Sitting on the table was two vials 3/4 filled with water, and floating in the water was spices of some sort.  I remember picking it up and looking at it, and hoping that I wasn't disturbing something.

Later in the dream I was in the house with the Asian person from before, and it seemed like they were living with us.  I remember thinking about warning them that the house was haunted.

Edits under cut

October

Well... Its October, and once again the seasons are starting to shift.  The air is cooler, the leaves are turning, and this has got to be my favorite time of year.

Not much in the way of dreams lately.  Haven't really be meditating either, though I should do that tonight before I go to sleep.

I also started today to change the way I take my vitamins.  I used to take them all one lump sum at some point during the day, 2 multivitamins, 2 vitamin e's, a vitamin c, and a single capsule of cinnamon.  I am now taking, a multivitamin, a vitamin e, the c, and the cinnamon in the morning, and taking the rest at night.  Should help with the the amount absorbed a bit... and more vitamins in your system is supposed to help dream recall, at least there b6, and b12 are involved...

Fair

Well I did go to the fair, but sadly didn't find the concessions for the stones that I was at last year.  Saw a few other venders, but nothing that really caught my interests... Maybe another time...